Hope for the future

A cup filled with water, overflowing. It's far too small to contain anymore. The only solution is to pour away some, so that it'll not be suffocated. How bout changing the shape of the cup? Adding more material so that it'll be able to increase it's capacity for what's coming in. But it's not an immediate solution...it takes time. Right now the only way to solve this problem is to discard some of its contents, let it breathe and rest while it gets ready for another "operation".

The illustration completely describes my situation now. True enough TLBC has been amazing and enjoyable for me. But, it seems like there's too many information and facts for me to digest and contain. I feel overloaded. Just like when there's a heavy object on the weighing machine, the plate of the machine will sink it's way down. Exactly. Yup, every modules have opened my eyes towards the work of God's hands that i never knew. But the passion and joy of unveiling every mystery in the bible seems to be diminishing. And so, i decided to take a little break. Have a good rest at home and not think about what's taught in school. A good little retreat and talk with God.

Obviously that doesn't mean i shut off completely from what's taught. Still absorbing but at a smaller capacity. This very interesting fact that i came to know is in the book of Romans, Paul actually said that because of the Jews' transgression that results in the salvation of the Gentiles, which is us! And thus we may be called into Israel and we're the children of the promise. All thanks to Israel! :) Another one. The end times would be determined according to the state of Israel. Like who's the authority and all. That's because Israel is the land that God blessed. A covenant God had with Abraham. A promise and hope that all of us can hold on to. A future, though it may seems a little hard to visualise right now. How about this. I remember Pastor Benny telling us about his research on the country Israel. Israel was and still is enjoying great wealth. Companies like haagen daz and happy co. (ben & Jerry) belongs to them too! Though they are a US or UK brand, the company belongs to Israel. Amazing? It's this pleasure of seeing God's word getting more and more vivid and real that kept me "alive".

Many people out there are trying to prove the bible wrong by sending their best archeologists and researchers all over the world. Why not prove the bible right? There's more satisfaction when all that's in the bible become so alive right in front of our eyes that we can say BINGO! :D

Oh no!

Pastor Benny Ho taught us on the book of Romans 1-8 last week! It was super good!! Oh man...one of my favourite speaker. :) The way and things he speaks about are so engaging and applicable! :)

Well, we're having Pastor Joel Baker right now. He taught us conflict resolutions and spiritual authority for the past 2 days and for the next 3 days, he's going to speak on JEWISH ROOTS! So exciting! I really really can't wait for the passover dinner that we're going to have this thursday! Oh but the anti-climax is...i'm getting my A level results this friday...

Boo. I don't think i can really enjoy thursday night and friday morning. My mind would be filled with all the alaphabets and the face of my teachers! Though i always tell the others that God's divine presence and peace will cover and overwhelm us in all other areas, it's just so hard to really do it! Easier said than done. What a real test of faith and trust. Indeed i'll fear not, for i know i prayer and have done my best. So...all the best to all A level students out there! May we be glad for whatever results we'll be getting! :)

1000 marbles

I came across this story that really speaks so truthfully about our life on net.(http://www.christianlifestories.com/stories/m-r/marbles.html)Really got me to think and reflect. The word is REFLECT.


The older I get, the more I enjoy Saturday mornings. Perhaps it's the quiet solitude that comes with being the first to rise, or maybe it's the unbounded joy of not having to be at work. Either way, the first few hours of a Saturday morning are most enjoyable.

A few weeks ago, I was shuffling toward the kitchen with a steaming cup of coffee in one hand and the morning paper in the other. What began as a typical Saturday morning turned into one of those lessons that life seems to hand you from time to time. Let me tell you about it. I turned the volume up on my radio in order to listen to a Saturday morning talk show. I heard an older sounding chap with a golden voice. You know the kind, he sounded like he should be in the broadcasting business himself.

He was talking about "a thousand marbles" to someone named "Tom." I was intrigued and sat down to listen to what he had to say. "Well, Tom, it sure sounds like you're busy with your job. I'm sure they pay you well but it's a shame you have to be away from home and your family so much. Hard to believe a young fellow should have to work sixty or seventy hours a week to make ends meet. Too bad you missed your daughter's dance recital."

He continued, "Let me tell you something Tom, something that has helped me keep a good perspective on my own priorities."

And that's when he began to explain his theory of a "thousand marbles."

"You see, I sat down one day and did a little arithmetic. The average person lives about seventy-five years. I know, some live more and some live less, but on average, folks live about seventy-five years."

"Now then, I multiplied 75 times 52 and I came up with 3900 which is the number of Saturdays that the average person has in their entire lifetime. Now stick with me Tom, I'm getting to the important part."

"It took me until I was fifty-five years old to think about all this in any detail," he went on, "and by that time I had lived through over twenty-eight hundred Saturdays. I got to thinking that if I lived to be seventy-five, I only had about a thousand of them left to enjoy."

"So I went to a toy store and bought every single marble they had. I ended up having to visit three toy stores to round-up 1000 marbles.

I took them home and put them inside of a large, clear plastic container right here in my workshop next to the radio. Every Saturday since then, I have taken one marble out and thrown it away." "I found that by watching the marbles diminish, I focused more on the really important things in life. There is nothing like watching your time here on this earth run out to help get your priorities straight."

"Now let me tell you one last thing before I sign-off with you and take my lovely wife out for breakfast. This morning, I took the very last marble out of the container. I figure if I make it until next Saturday then God has blessed me with a little extra time to be with my loved ones...

"It was nice to talk to you Tom, I hope you spend more time with your loved ones, and I hope to meet you again someday. Have a good morning!"

You could have heard a pin drop when he finished. Even the show's moderator didn't have anything to say for a few moments. I guess he gave us all a lot to think about. I had planned to do some work that morning, then go to the gym. Instead, I went upstairs and woke my wife up with a kiss. "C'mon honey, I'm taking you and the kids to breakfast."

"What brought this on?" she asked with a smile. "Oh, nothing special," I said. " It has just been a long time since we spent a Saturday together with the kids. Hey, can we stop at a toy store while we're out? I need to buy some marbles."

What then is our purpose in life? What's the whole meaning in living on earth. How much time have we wasted? Time that could have save someone and to have eternal life. Time that could have been spent on something more constructive, more fruitful. Time with God.

:|

Joy
Smiles
Cheers
Happiness
Laughter
Enjoyment
Peaceful
Quiet
Lonely
Dull
Sensitive
Emotional
Jaded
Fatigue
Tears
Unhappiness
Questions...without answers
Inspirations
Answers
Repentence
Discover
Ascertain
Rejoice
Thankful
Joy
Smiles
Cheers
Happiness
Laughter
Enjoyment
Peaceful
Quiet
Lonely
Dull
Sensitive
Emotional
Jaded
Fatigue
Tears
Unhappiness
Questions...without answers
Inspirations
Answers
Repentence
Discover
Ascertain
Rejoice
Thankful
And the list continues...

Isn't life usually like this? It's a cycle of ups and downs. Repetitive, tedious and troublesome yet interesting and beneficial. Oxymoron? :

And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. -Romans 5:2b-5

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. -James 1:2-4

Just Let Me Say

Terrific song that i came across in Tung Ling when i was on duty for the keyboard. Worship led by benjamin, otherwise known as benji boy, who is so well-loved by the girls in TLBC. (Haha! :P) The lyrics is good, so is the song. :)

Just Let Me Say
Just let me say
how much I love You
Let me speak of
Your mercy and grace
Just let me live in the shadow of Your beauty
Let me see you face to face
And the earth will shake
As Your Word goes forth
The heavens can tremble and fall
But let me say
how much I love You
O my Saviour, my Lord and Friend.

Just let me hear
Your finest whispers
As you gently call my name
And let me see
Your power and Your glory
Let me feel Your Spirit's flame
Let me find You in the desert
'Til this sand is holy ground
And I am found completely surrendered
To You, my Lord and Friend

So let me say
How much I love You
With all my heart I long for You
For I am caught in this passion of knowing
This endless love I've found in You
And the depth of grace, the forgiveness found
To be called a child of God
Just makes me say
How much I love You
O my Saviour, my Lord and Friend
Just makes me say
how much I love You
O my Saviour, my Lord and Friend

Happy Valentine's Day! :)

Valentine's valentine's valentine's! :) Today is a couple day! I went to Plaza Singapura to get guitar strings for joel chia (better thank me ah!) at yamaha with 2 other cool friend from Tung Ling, Jonathan and Leroy. On the way we saw so many couples; young, old, les and gays. It is one of the rare days where you see super alot of flowers around! Haha! I remember telling zhulong how i wish to have a bouquet of flowers too! Haha! Oh well, just a wish, not a want. Haha! I can still remember the last time i receive a bouquet of flowers was almost 3 years ago! Woo...super long time ago already. Haha.

When we were on our way from Tung Ling to PS, we passed by Orchard Road Presbyterian Church which had a banner that says something like this; Love is not in the air, love is at the cross. Isn't it so true and sweet? I guess many couples will spend this day expressing their love for each other and friends will make cookies and cards for one another to signify their love for them. But something that struck me today isn't about sharing love with loved ones, but remembering His love for us at the cross. Amazing? It's not all about us, it's about Jesus. Thus i decided to cancel my date with my girlfriends and stayed home, spending time with the Lord. (Though i took a rather long nap first! :P)

"Someday my prince will come". Haha. A phrase that i remember seeing it on a t-shirt. (I forgot the verse that went along with it though.) Yep yep...someday God will send me His right one. The one that gave me his rib. Haha!! Good day to all! :)

Influences

Wow...all my friends who just got their o's results did well! Congratulations guys! :D May God lead you to the right course! :) well, this week passed really fast and i can see myself busy the coming week again! Boo... :( And something's bad!!! I've yet to complete my book for book review that i due on the 14th... Shucks...

Oh well, i didn't exactly have a good weekend except for the "outings" with friends and the catching up with some others. Yesterday, which is saturday, a really good friend of mine shared about the problem she's facing with regards to the people around her in her workplace. Right today, some stuffs that were said to me by others shook me. It's all about the people in our life.

Now i understand why John Maxwell (or is it another writer, not sure) said that the 2 most important things is life are the books we read and the people around us. I finally see another perspective of why the people around us. It is the very influence, the very words said and actions made that determines your every step next. Really powerful... I remember in one of my previous posts, i mentioned about the fact that i'm a person who can be affected by others rather easily, at times. Yeap...now i'm getting "it" again.

I must admit i was rather affected when my friends said something bad, my weak point, about me. True enough, i know that is my weakness, my flaw. But i really didn't want it! I've been trying to change and get rid of that bad habit if mine and i've really improved. I know they are just kidding and because we are all so close friends that we were so frank. But, there's like other people too!! Some other people who don't really know me yet! Right away i felt a little condemnation. I felt as though i'm really bad, full of flaws, really really bad. I took a step back, went home myself today and gave a good thought. I complained to God, i teared. It's just me to be so sensitive about little things. But i thank God for reminding me, of not to conform to the patterns of the world, to always stand upon His truth, to be like Jesus. Sometimes i wish my friends would encourage me instead of teasing me about my weakness. I know they are kidding and all these are just for pure laughter and i can take it, i don't mind being made fun of, "bullied". Sometimes, and i mean sometimes, i rather not have it. :( Is that an expectation? I don't think so. Its just my opinion, choice, preference. And i know that we are all made differently, react to things differently and think differently. I believe there are many others who were or are hurt by what i say, do or react. If i really did and you're reading this, i'm sorry.

Lesson learnt. Really to be careful of not only my tongues, but my action and reaction. Facial expression, words, movements. At the same time not to do all these to "por" others. (What a thin line.) Live your life like yourself! :) I know that there may be many who don't agree with my thinking and who thinks that its rather "stupid" to be troubled about such things. But i believe its something that we must be wary about. Something that can be so crucial especially in the working field.

I'm going to really try...really hard to kick my bad habit and to be sensitive to others. I would like to apologise first, to those who i will be hurting, for i am really not perfect.

ELECTROCUTED!

This is exciting! Pastor Yang prayed for all of us today after our last session of journey of Israel(His sidetracks are good!! :P). It was.....BOOOOOM! :D He didn't exactly prayed for me. The thing he did was walk to me, place his hand on my head and say," Let the fire of God fall upon you!". Oh my my...the moment he walked towards me, i can feel this hot sensation overwhelming me completely! And when he place his hand on my head, i felt as though both my hands got electrocuted! Oh man! It's the anointing, the fire, the touch, the very presence of God! Tears rolled down my cheeks immediately. I wasn't crying at all, not weaping, not wailing...just tearing. I didn't even realise i was "crying" till tears came down! The question,"Is that really you, God?" now has a firm answer...YES! :)

I would say all these years being a Christian, i have yet to really feel that very touch from God! Usually, i would cry and wail that sometimes i wonder is it me or the Holy Spirit. But this time, it's completely different! Its the touch, TOUCH, T-O-U-C-H OF GOD! :D :D :D

Indeed God will come and touch you when you desire, thirst, long for Him. I remember i was telling God,"Please don't pass me by, please. Let me feel you, your anionting that i may testify." and God answered me! PPOOOOMMMM! Mamma mia! Haha.

Pastor Yang said this," If you want to tell people about our God, you need to testify. And to testify, you don't use doctrines and bible verses alone...but the experiences you had. That's real testimony." It shook me. I have been hearing this so often but this time, what he said actually kind of "woke me up". I started thinking and realised that if someone were to ask me how you know your God is true, i wouldn't have experiences such as this to share! Thank God....Really thank God...Amen...amen...

Well, today is a good day. I baked! Cheese and onion tarts. Its really nice! (Of course! :P) But the crust is a little too dry...guess i didn't put enough flour. Recently girls in jabok at TLBC got this passion for baking. Its contagious...HAHA! Well, i used to bake whenever my sister or mom want to. Now, i feel like mastering the art of baking! Its so fun especially seeing the results, getting your friends to taste them and hearing their compliments! :) I want to try chocolate cookies, apple tart, cheese cake, all sorts of desserts! New term resolution. Haha.

Stares. A desire yet irritation. Isn't it? Haha. But i love it. I like being the one staring. eh...a nicer or rather more correct way to put it is, observe. Yeap. Thats good. Observing's good...but judging is bad. Bad...never judge. Especially people.

Let the peace of God reign

A song that spoke right into my heart, that descirbes how i feel...

Let the peace of God reign-Hillsongs(Shadows of Your Wings)
Father of Life
Draw me closer
Lord, my heart is set on You
Let me run the race of time
With Your life enfolding mine
And let the peace of God
Let it reign

Oh Holy Spirit
Lord, my comfort
Strengthen me, hold my head up high
And I stand upon Your truth
Bringing glory unto You
And let the peace of God
Let it reign

Oh Lord I hunger
For more of You
Rise up within me
Let me know Your truth
Oh Holy Spirit Saturate my soul
And let the life of God
Fill me now Let Your healing power
Breathe life and make me whole
And let the peace of God
Let it reign

The journey

Lesson at TLBC currently is on the journey of Israel by Rev. Yang. It is super interesting yet scary. We'll be going through the path of Israel...from Moses to David to Solomon... It is definitely exciting to study and know more about the past so that we may understand and learn from each experiences. But, i got a little confused when he said something about them being prophetic and that we will have to go through them(to reach Mount Zion) so that we may reach and touch the very glory of God! When he was speaking, i could sense the fear of God overwhelming me. Suddenly i feel heavy and i feel like crying and hiding! It's really something that i've yet to come across in my life!! :

But...ain't it cool? To be so covered by God's presence and to touch Him? But, its also very scary!! Thinking of all the trials and sufferings we gotta go through before His coming and the persecution that we have to face. Indeed that great amount of faith is required. I was just wondering; can i be like David where i'll rejoice and sing praises to God even during pains? Amazing....really amazing...He even mentioned about the second coming of Christ and the 1000 years on earth where Jesus would come and we will rule and reign the earth and all of us will go to the very centre of the earth which is Jerusalem to worship God. I so wanna go Israel now... :P

I guess the whole topic would be alot more clearer after tomorrow and wednesday's lessons...can't wait to hear more! He is indeed one super anointed preacher an one who has a great deal of faith and is walking so so so closely to God! I really admire him...the passion for His glory...oh man...so influential! :D

Well, i'm now suffering from this pain at my hip bone because something really bad yet funny happened.......i fell when i was bathing yesterday night! :s I got this super big blue black near my left hip bone and the bone itself is painful! I can feel the pain even when i walk up and down the stairs...and thank God for the stairs at my house...really...so that i'll be used to it when i take buses and when i'm out. Bleah...and the incredible thing is: I actually ran and ref-ed 2 matches today! Impressive heh...I can't believe i did it! :) All thanks to God...and lynn, for praying for me! :D

See, Hear and Talk...in a RIGHT WAY!

I just realised its been more than a week since i posted anything!! Oops...well, i'm really busy for the past week. I didn't had time to call my sec 1 girls and to go out with my jc friends! I was busy refereeing and handling other issues. haha.

Oh man! I really gotta admit that i spend loads of $$ this week...oops. I bought 2 bags, FEW pieces of clothes and SOME accessories in just 3 nights. Haha. Maybe to some out there this is considered few but to me, Oh my goodness! My first ever time spending so much in 3 days! Gotta repent...haha.

Talking about refereeing, i just can't forget my experience at Kheng Cheng School last friday. One of the primary school i ref-ed was so rebellious! The coach actually got a quota of how many fouls he wants per quarter of the game! Mamma mia! I still can remember him shouting, "stop him, push him!" and the players do likewise. Oh man...so rubbish...what morals have been instilled in them man. I can't believe it. I was so so angry that i wanted to disqualify them! But, i patiently told the players off and gave them warnings hoping that they will not do it again. Little did i know, the coach smiled and say continue! This is so disgusting!! Worst match ref-ed ever.

Well, as i reflect my week, i realise how God has placed different situations together so that we may learn! I just had a 2 days lesson on mentoring and the importance in it plus my experience from the match i ref-ed on firday, i see how they cam be linked! I can imagine that my life would be in a great big mess if it were to be filled with people like the coach i mentioned. How important is it to really mix and know good companies! What will happen to the players of the coach in future? What will they learn? Will they be potential crime-breakers? Will they be saved and "brainwashed" by someone else? It's kind of scary, i feel. It'll cost the whole lifetime of someone just because somebody in your life influenced you in the wrong way. I come to agree that it is very very important to mentor and be mentored. To choose the right mentors and mentees, to teach the right values and have a close guidance.

Sometimes in life, i seems to take people for granted. I tend to judge whether or not this person can teach or add values, knowledge and wisdom to my life. Whether he or she is capable of helping me to be a better person. I was so so wrong! Everyone who left their prints in my life actually meant a lot. The every words they say and comments about me. I've learnt to accept views from different perspectives and to take a step back to evaluate all the opinions. It got me to realise how onlookers can give a better picture of who i really am.
I realise at times when people give a brief and random comment about me like "u're not exciting", i would suddenly freeze and asked myself, am i really boring? Though at times i know they may be just kidding, somehow it'll enter my mind and even take root! it dawned upon me that what i say really matters to people alot though it may be just kidding. And if its really kidding, say "I'm really kidding!". Maybe its just me...someone who's rather sensitive and thinks alot. At times i would much prefer that i'll be someone who is blur and not the kind who thinks too much. Well, no complains...i thank God for who i am.

Amazing heh...small little things that happen in life can birth out lessons and valuable thoughts. Haha. All in all, i think that though one's opinion about you matters, God's opinion is still the most important. And we must be careful about accepting what people say about us...so that we do not become like what they described but to be like Christ!

Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children-Ephesians 5:1

B-U-S-Y

Oh gosh... Tasks are piling like nobody's business on me again! I've got tung ling to attend, worship practices, youths to call, cell discussion and devotion for the coming bball prayer meeting to prepare, hospitality meeting and year program to plan, and my YA cell shirt and contact lists! At the same time i must spend quality time with friends around and most importantly God! Complains...yes...but surprisingly i delight in all the things i got to do! :D

Brother Philip Ong gave us a checklist today to help us identfy our gifts. It was very exciting especially when it comes to the part where the total scores are out which can help us to know our strengths. Mine is helps, service, faith, exhortation, wisdom and intercession! Well, not to boast but i really think faith is my strongest gift that God has graciously given me. All these years, i managed to survive "the world" not by my own strength but the faith that is in me to live on, knowing so strongly that God indeed has a plan for my life although many a times the plan may seems so blur-ish and unclear. I believe this is also one of the reason why i can delight in working for God, big and small, important and insignificant ones. True enough, sometimes i tend to complain about the happenings in my life and wondering why is it me! Though there may be no specific answers to my "why". I still believe and will continue to have faith in God! :)

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. -Jeremiah 29:11

Last saturday...

I had a super great time with my cell girls, limin and jocelyn, together with lala at heartland! We went kfc for dinner and "exchanged informations" for more than an hour! Haha! It is then i realise the bubbly side of them...so cute and enjoyable. Although i admit often i dread going for youth ablaze most of the time due to tiredness and laziness, i thank God for the passion and friendship i've made with these girls that really motivate me to go for youth every saturday! Missing a day of cell time with them would be like drawing out blood from me! They are really really so important to me! I can't wait for more bondings and interactions with them! :D

Thinking...

I really agree that life hasn't been the same ever since i entered Tung Ling. Though only a week plus has passed, i can feel God shaping me inside out already. Perhaps it is Reverend Tony Tan that made me so emo/jaded these few days. He's really a cool preacher whom i enjoy listening to, always adding songs and hymns protray exactly what he wants to tell us. He's like a music jukebox to me! Haha!
Anyway, i've been doing alot of thinking...especially regarding the prophesy Pastor Amos prayed for me. I find it a little scary to receive a prophesy as it might just be something i don't like but God wants me to do it. But, i'm so so so wrong! God is so gracious! The prophesy is in line with my passion! I believe God has set in place a career path for me, a path where i can fulfill The Commission. Indeed, it is my desire.
I always think that its super amazing how different people think differently and how it is rather hard to communicate. But, the thing is we are made in the image of God, so how different can we be? In the Book of Philippians, it said that the world is badly infuenced. Well, i believe that is why we human beings act and think differently; due to the environment and people living around us. As i was thinking globally, images of articles regarding how money and fame ruined lives of many, i began to feel really sad for these people. I would not despise them for their actions but from them, i began to see how men is really so vulnerable, easily influenced, volatile. It is practically impossible to live righteously without God! How wonderful it is to be able to learn from people's mistakes too! I'm really thankful for how God has made me. True enough, i may not sing as well as kelly clarkson, i may not be as pretty as those famous models and actresses, i may not be as charismatic as Goh Chok Tong, but i know there is something special in me that others don't have. Something that God has placed in my life, because He chose to create me. :)

For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

Psalm 139:13-14

First week in Tung Ling

One week of Tung Ling gave me mixed feelings... On one hand, i am so excited about all the topics that were covered and are going to be covered. It has always been my desire to go for a series of seminars to hear from different pastors and to learn more about what it is to be a real christian. On the other hand, i dread waking up at 6am to go to school! It's even worse than going for school during my "worldly education" days!! Well...i guess this is really a sacrifice?

My classmates are really cool people! We've got up to 48 students of different age groups! One man who is retired gave me a very deep impression. His actions, words, even some parts of his facial expression are almost similar to that of my dad! Ever since my dad went home with the Lord few years back, i almost forget how he really looked like before he was ill. There was this super awkward incident during one of our lunch break where i was [ractically staring at him! He caught my eye, obviously, and i looked away feeling really embarassed...Haha. Nevertheless, i'm determined to know him in the coming weeks in Tung Ling. Yea!

Anyway, i really got to experience what is it to understand people with different backgrounds, principles, likings as me. People in church usually are of "my kind" and i feel really comfortable being with them. Ever since i got to know a girl in Tung Ling, it got me to get out of my comfort zone and to learn to be adaptable and volatile. Hard it may be, i am determined to overcome this challenge for i believe there will be many more of these kind of people that i'll meet, especially when i'm going to the society to work. Cool challenge! :)

...Love..

It's been really hard, i must say, to not think about relationship stuffs. I believe the transexuals do so... Haha!

Well, ever since i applied and got accepted to Tung Ling Bible College, i really thought it would be best for me not to think of stuffs alog that line. Moreover my my aim and hope is to really go one step further in my walk with God and my spiritual life. People around me are thinking of and discussing about bfs and gfs...well, especially my non-christian friends. Sometimes it might be just so hard for them to really understand why i chose not to think of these. To them, i'm being holy. But the truth is, i believe there is more in life that one should consider, not just finishing a human's routine; studying, going into relationships, getting settled with kids, grow old and die. The very question that constantly rings in my mind is: Is that all in life? Many people would think christianity is just yet another religion accepted in Singapore...practiced by many, especially the "holy ones". Well, to me, the exact explanation i would give is that being a christian, i chose to go back to the One who made me, who first loved me, to know more about Him and to have an intimate relationship with Him. Sounds holy? Nah...it's the theology of a father and child...

Well, many asked why i want to go Tung Ling instead of working...i said, "i CHOOSE to offer God my time before i do anything else." It was a hard decision for me too...it would mean a lot of sacrifices especially on the financial part(since i'm paying the fee myself).

One of the things that left me with a deep impression on the first day of school in Tung Ling last friday was that there is to be no bgr in this 3 months. (though it may sound strict, it is definite necessary to cut off distractions) It is one of my desires (or should i say dream? want? goal? whatever..) in life to have a really good partner...one can give me spiritual support especially. Many a times i pray and ask God what exactly does He has in store for me. No answer...haha! I must admit that sometimes it turns into a kind of worry or just something that will distract me from other things. God replied me in another form during the devotion i had at Tung Ling last friday. He spoke to me in this verse:

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6:33-34)

I was thrilled, of course. Haha! (well, though i know the root meaning of this verse does not exactly fit the problem i'm having, i believed since God showed me this verse at this time, He would have His reasons to it) but after much thought and conviction, i believe He has called me to Tung Ling for a reason, a good one. As of now, i choose to obey Him, to cut away all these relationship stuffs for now...to hunger for Him.

I believe God is teaching me patience, trust and faith. Most of all, He's teaching me about His love for us, in a way that i never knew as a christian since i was born, so that i may learn to love everyone in my life the way He loved me.

He made me learn..

Today's my birthday...birth-day. Yet again, had to spend it in malaysia, leaders' retreat. Well, i guess a complete sin curve represent my mood for today.
Well, just like what i expected, the 19 year olds prepared surprises for me! This time twice. First was at night where they stood outside the resort door at 12 am, singing the birthday song and coming in with 2 candles on a sugar donut. Haha...it was rather cool though i knew every plan.(overheard!) Second was in the morning where they cut out the phrase [H-A-P-P-Y 1-9-T-H B-I-R-T-H-D-A-Y], standing in one straight row and singing the song for me again...this time in front of all the leaders...
I must say its really great effort they had put in to give me this surprise, at least to allow me to have an enjoyable 19th birthday. However, i'm not really a person who enjoys crowd surprises...like a whole big crowd giving me a surprise. I'm a person who dont really know how ti express myself properly sometimes(still learning...) and who much prefers staying home alone or spending time with a person or two chatting and having a good drink or snack. Somehow, this year i managed to "survive" from these surprises...at least i didn't feel as awkward as before...God really answered my prayer! :) All thanks to my really great bunch of friends who really play super important roles in my life! Many thanks!
The downward curve came about when i reached home from the retreat. Initially i thought i could have a good meal with my family(which i normally do on my birthday). But in the end my sister and mom got other plans already as they didn't know i'm returning in the noon. Well...no blames. However, i was rather affected by certain things my mom said. I can't really blame her as she don't know my side of story. I ended up spending the day sleeping and using the com.
My mood came to neutral when i started talking to zhulong...it was a really good chat. Made me learn to appreciate certain things in life that other people might not have. Come to think of it, i'm rather selfish in the sense that i wanted things in my way...situations to flow the way i want it to if not i'll have mood swings.
Well, i guess its another lesson learnt today. God is so amazing...in the way He teaches me about life. He made me learn to appreciate people. He made me learn to take things in my stride. He made me learn to be strong in all circumstances and to be prepared to let go of certain things in life. I believe all that has happened happen for a good reason. He made me learn to take a step back in every situation to hear form Him, to obtain His instructions, to wait on Him...so that i may not do things that displease man and Him.

"...God is humourous!"

God is humourous! Got this phrase from one of my friend. I began to know and realise the real humour behind everything God planned for my life. As i was reflecting for the past year, i seem to understand why God made me go through situations in life that i thought was unnecessary. One incident was when i felt so dejected when it seems like friends whom i know for years disappointed me. It wasn't exactly a big major disappointment that i received but just a little one; I was so jaded...hoping someone will come and ask why...but none came. Well, i believe it is a very common situation that many people will face, i would say it is the part and parcel of one's life. However, i was just asking why...why is this little disappointment causing a great impact on me? I began to pray...that God will help me recover and not be affected by it. Instead of having peace in my heart(which i usually feel after praying) i felt a nudge to talk to another person. God showed me the person and i went to talk to him. Now i understand why God wants me to experience such thing...well, it is to allow me to be in the shoes of my friend's problem, so that i may be able to comfort him...knowing what to say and do.Isn't it humourous? I was wondering why God can't allow me to remember disappointments in the past to help my friend instead. Haha...probably He wants the experience fresh!

Reflecting...year 2006 went rather fast...had too many programs and issues to handle that i hardly have time to sit down and pen down my thoughts after every "task". I started the year with 4 ministries! Student Venture(Campus Crusade) in my jc, youth ministry, hospitality ministry and the basketball ministry. Of all i guess the one that impacted me most was the student venture. I was made the in-charge and was required to conduct morning prayer meetings in school at 630am and to organise a little "cell group" at least once a week with the campus crusade staff. In the beginning, things were going well...attendance was close to 30 and everyone was excited to see great revival in mj! But things get a little tight when burdens get heavier a sit was my A level year. Besides, having to manage time for my 3 other ministries, i can say i'm overstretched. Slowly i couldn't help but became tired of setting up this student venture.(btw, its undeground!) And the bad thing is, my committee started getting tired and lazy to organise and even attend the morning prayer meeting. From a committee of about 9 became a committee of about 4. From a daily prayer meeting to having only twice a week. Attendance fell greatly too...and everyone just can't find the motivation and excitment to go for the meeting and pray, to start off the day by worshipping and praying instead of sleeping that half an hour more. Things went worst when the vice-principal actually found out our meeting and was playing "hide-and-seek" with me in school. All that i can say was...I'm overstretched. Results were lousy, level of commitment to each ministries went down down down...To save time...details were...blah blah blah and i got restored from God again!Well...i actually thank God for giving me this great experience...stretching me, granting me a greater capacity. How weird but effective it is to really prepare me for the year end exams. All i can say is i can better handle my things now and that I'm definitely equipped for worst challenges ahead of me! Another important thing was to fully understand the real meaning of the phrase "full commitment".

Many many other things happen too...lessons learnt, new commitments, new friends met... Just like what SP said, these shall be added on to my life in 2007 with goodness!

Inspiration...

Proverbs 3
Further Benefits of Wisdom
1 My son, do not forget my teaching,
but keep my commands in your heart, 2 for they will prolong your life many years
and bring you prosperity.3 Let love and faithfulness never leave you;
bind them around your neck,
write them on the tablet of your heart.4 Then you will win favor and a good name
in the sight of God and man.5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;6 in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.7 Do not be wise in your own eyes;
fear the LORD and shun evil.8 This will bring health to your body
and nourishment to your bones.9 Honor the LORD with your wealth,
with the firstfruits of all your crops;10 then your barns will be filled to overflowing,
and your vats will brim over with new wine.11 My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline
and do not resent his rebuke,12 because the LORD disciplines those he loves,
as a father the son he delights in.13 Blessed is the man who finds wisdom,
the man who gains understanding,14 for she is more profitable than silver
and yields better returns than gold.15 She is more precious than rubies;
nothing you desire can compare with her.16 Long life is in her right hand;
in her left hand are riches and honor.17 Her ways are pleasant ways,
and all her paths are peace.18 She is a tree of life to those who embrace her;
those who lay hold of her will be blessed.19 By wisdom the LORD laid the earth's foundations,
by understanding he set the heavens in place;20 by his knowledge the deeps were divided,
and the clouds let drop the dew.21 My son, preserve sound judgment and discernment,
do not let them out of your sight;22 they will be life for you,
an ornament to grace your neck.23 Then you will go on your way in safety,
and your foot will not stumble;24 when you lie down, you will not be afraid;
when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.25 Have no fear of sudden disaster
or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked,26 for the LORD will be your confidence
and will keep your foot from being snared.27 Do not withhold good from those who deserve it,
when it is in your power to act.28 Do not say to your neighbor,
"Come back later; I'll give it tomorrow"—
when you now have it with you.29 Do not plot harm against your neighbor,
who lives trustfully near you.30 Do not accuse a man for no reason—
when he has done you no harm.31 Do not envy a violent man
or choose any of his ways,32 for the LORD detests a perverse man
but takes the upright into his confidence.33 The LORD's curse is on the house of the wicked,
but he blesses the home of the righteous.34 He mocks proud mockers
but gives grace to the humble.35 The wise inherit honor,
but fools he holds up to shame.

As i was creating this blog, i felt i needed an anchor verse or passage. Just as i was seeking, this passage came to me. Each verse is so real and important! I feel as though this passage summarises the facts of life of a christian, children of God, of my life. This passage often reminds me of an image;Jesus(though i don't know how He looks like) sitting on a rock and children around him listening to His stories and lessons where we are the children...literally learning at His feet. And every night's quiet time i have with God is like hearing stories from the bible from God Himself! Ain't it cool if we really can do that with Him when we go Heaven?? :)

Newborn!

Finally! My new blog is up! I waited for almost half a year to get this up due to my busy schedule with my A's which is over OVer OVER!! :) It has always been my wish to be able to share my experiences, secrets and feelings to friends through the internet, hopefully they can know me better and can give me comments to which i can learn and know the views of an onlooker. Though i actually own another blog, it was for my private use...like my diary. But after much thought, i felt that isn't it better to have it up so that friends can read and get to know me better. Especially after a chat with a friend of mine whom i really love to talk to, i came to really agree that there shouldn't be secrets expecially among friends! So much so that God didn't keep everything to Himself but revealed all his sadness, jealousy, happiness and anger so that somehow we may learn something from there! Well, i hope all who visit my blog would enjoy it and get something out of the messages posted! And obviously, tags are welcomed!! :)