B-U-S-Y

Oh gosh... Tasks are piling like nobody's business on me again! I've got tung ling to attend, worship practices, youths to call, cell discussion and devotion for the coming bball prayer meeting to prepare, hospitality meeting and year program to plan, and my YA cell shirt and contact lists! At the same time i must spend quality time with friends around and most importantly God! Complains...yes...but surprisingly i delight in all the things i got to do! :D

Brother Philip Ong gave us a checklist today to help us identfy our gifts. It was very exciting especially when it comes to the part where the total scores are out which can help us to know our strengths. Mine is helps, service, faith, exhortation, wisdom and intercession! Well, not to boast but i really think faith is my strongest gift that God has graciously given me. All these years, i managed to survive "the world" not by my own strength but the faith that is in me to live on, knowing so strongly that God indeed has a plan for my life although many a times the plan may seems so blur-ish and unclear. I believe this is also one of the reason why i can delight in working for God, big and small, important and insignificant ones. True enough, sometimes i tend to complain about the happenings in my life and wondering why is it me! Though there may be no specific answers to my "why". I still believe and will continue to have faith in God! :)

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. -Jeremiah 29:11

Last saturday...

I had a super great time with my cell girls, limin and jocelyn, together with lala at heartland! We went kfc for dinner and "exchanged informations" for more than an hour! Haha! It is then i realise the bubbly side of them...so cute and enjoyable. Although i admit often i dread going for youth ablaze most of the time due to tiredness and laziness, i thank God for the passion and friendship i've made with these girls that really motivate me to go for youth every saturday! Missing a day of cell time with them would be like drawing out blood from me! They are really really so important to me! I can't wait for more bondings and interactions with them! :D

Thinking...

I really agree that life hasn't been the same ever since i entered Tung Ling. Though only a week plus has passed, i can feel God shaping me inside out already. Perhaps it is Reverend Tony Tan that made me so emo/jaded these few days. He's really a cool preacher whom i enjoy listening to, always adding songs and hymns protray exactly what he wants to tell us. He's like a music jukebox to me! Haha!
Anyway, i've been doing alot of thinking...especially regarding the prophesy Pastor Amos prayed for me. I find it a little scary to receive a prophesy as it might just be something i don't like but God wants me to do it. But, i'm so so so wrong! God is so gracious! The prophesy is in line with my passion! I believe God has set in place a career path for me, a path where i can fulfill The Commission. Indeed, it is my desire.
I always think that its super amazing how different people think differently and how it is rather hard to communicate. But, the thing is we are made in the image of God, so how different can we be? In the Book of Philippians, it said that the world is badly infuenced. Well, i believe that is why we human beings act and think differently; due to the environment and people living around us. As i was thinking globally, images of articles regarding how money and fame ruined lives of many, i began to feel really sad for these people. I would not despise them for their actions but from them, i began to see how men is really so vulnerable, easily influenced, volatile. It is practically impossible to live righteously without God! How wonderful it is to be able to learn from people's mistakes too! I'm really thankful for how God has made me. True enough, i may not sing as well as kelly clarkson, i may not be as pretty as those famous models and actresses, i may not be as charismatic as Goh Chok Tong, but i know there is something special in me that others don't have. Something that God has placed in my life, because He chose to create me. :)

For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

Psalm 139:13-14

First week in Tung Ling

One week of Tung Ling gave me mixed feelings... On one hand, i am so excited about all the topics that were covered and are going to be covered. It has always been my desire to go for a series of seminars to hear from different pastors and to learn more about what it is to be a real christian. On the other hand, i dread waking up at 6am to go to school! It's even worse than going for school during my "worldly education" days!! Well...i guess this is really a sacrifice?

My classmates are really cool people! We've got up to 48 students of different age groups! One man who is retired gave me a very deep impression. His actions, words, even some parts of his facial expression are almost similar to that of my dad! Ever since my dad went home with the Lord few years back, i almost forget how he really looked like before he was ill. There was this super awkward incident during one of our lunch break where i was [ractically staring at him! He caught my eye, obviously, and i looked away feeling really embarassed...Haha. Nevertheless, i'm determined to know him in the coming weeks in Tung Ling. Yea!

Anyway, i really got to experience what is it to understand people with different backgrounds, principles, likings as me. People in church usually are of "my kind" and i feel really comfortable being with them. Ever since i got to know a girl in Tung Ling, it got me to get out of my comfort zone and to learn to be adaptable and volatile. Hard it may be, i am determined to overcome this challenge for i believe there will be many more of these kind of people that i'll meet, especially when i'm going to the society to work. Cool challenge! :)

...Love..

It's been really hard, i must say, to not think about relationship stuffs. I believe the transexuals do so... Haha!

Well, ever since i applied and got accepted to Tung Ling Bible College, i really thought it would be best for me not to think of stuffs alog that line. Moreover my my aim and hope is to really go one step further in my walk with God and my spiritual life. People around me are thinking of and discussing about bfs and gfs...well, especially my non-christian friends. Sometimes it might be just so hard for them to really understand why i chose not to think of these. To them, i'm being holy. But the truth is, i believe there is more in life that one should consider, not just finishing a human's routine; studying, going into relationships, getting settled with kids, grow old and die. The very question that constantly rings in my mind is: Is that all in life? Many people would think christianity is just yet another religion accepted in Singapore...practiced by many, especially the "holy ones". Well, to me, the exact explanation i would give is that being a christian, i chose to go back to the One who made me, who first loved me, to know more about Him and to have an intimate relationship with Him. Sounds holy? Nah...it's the theology of a father and child...

Well, many asked why i want to go Tung Ling instead of working...i said, "i CHOOSE to offer God my time before i do anything else." It was a hard decision for me too...it would mean a lot of sacrifices especially on the financial part(since i'm paying the fee myself).

One of the things that left me with a deep impression on the first day of school in Tung Ling last friday was that there is to be no bgr in this 3 months. (though it may sound strict, it is definite necessary to cut off distractions) It is one of my desires (or should i say dream? want? goal? whatever..) in life to have a really good partner...one can give me spiritual support especially. Many a times i pray and ask God what exactly does He has in store for me. No answer...haha! I must admit that sometimes it turns into a kind of worry or just something that will distract me from other things. God replied me in another form during the devotion i had at Tung Ling last friday. He spoke to me in this verse:

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6:33-34)

I was thrilled, of course. Haha! (well, though i know the root meaning of this verse does not exactly fit the problem i'm having, i believed since God showed me this verse at this time, He would have His reasons to it) but after much thought and conviction, i believe He has called me to Tung Ling for a reason, a good one. As of now, i choose to obey Him, to cut away all these relationship stuffs for now...to hunger for Him.

I believe God is teaching me patience, trust and faith. Most of all, He's teaching me about His love for us, in a way that i never knew as a christian since i was born, so that i may learn to love everyone in my life the way He loved me.

He made me learn..

Today's my birthday...birth-day. Yet again, had to spend it in malaysia, leaders' retreat. Well, i guess a complete sin curve represent my mood for today.
Well, just like what i expected, the 19 year olds prepared surprises for me! This time twice. First was at night where they stood outside the resort door at 12 am, singing the birthday song and coming in with 2 candles on a sugar donut. Haha...it was rather cool though i knew every plan.(overheard!) Second was in the morning where they cut out the phrase [H-A-P-P-Y 1-9-T-H B-I-R-T-H-D-A-Y], standing in one straight row and singing the song for me again...this time in front of all the leaders...
I must say its really great effort they had put in to give me this surprise, at least to allow me to have an enjoyable 19th birthday. However, i'm not really a person who enjoys crowd surprises...like a whole big crowd giving me a surprise. I'm a person who dont really know how ti express myself properly sometimes(still learning...) and who much prefers staying home alone or spending time with a person or two chatting and having a good drink or snack. Somehow, this year i managed to "survive" from these surprises...at least i didn't feel as awkward as before...God really answered my prayer! :) All thanks to my really great bunch of friends who really play super important roles in my life! Many thanks!
The downward curve came about when i reached home from the retreat. Initially i thought i could have a good meal with my family(which i normally do on my birthday). But in the end my sister and mom got other plans already as they didn't know i'm returning in the noon. Well...no blames. However, i was rather affected by certain things my mom said. I can't really blame her as she don't know my side of story. I ended up spending the day sleeping and using the com.
My mood came to neutral when i started talking to zhulong...it was a really good chat. Made me learn to appreciate certain things in life that other people might not have. Come to think of it, i'm rather selfish in the sense that i wanted things in my way...situations to flow the way i want it to if not i'll have mood swings.
Well, i guess its another lesson learnt today. God is so amazing...in the way He teaches me about life. He made me learn to appreciate people. He made me learn to take things in my stride. He made me learn to be strong in all circumstances and to be prepared to let go of certain things in life. I believe all that has happened happen for a good reason. He made me learn to take a step back in every situation to hear form Him, to obtain His instructions, to wait on Him...so that i may not do things that displease man and Him.

"...God is humourous!"

God is humourous! Got this phrase from one of my friend. I began to know and realise the real humour behind everything God planned for my life. As i was reflecting for the past year, i seem to understand why God made me go through situations in life that i thought was unnecessary. One incident was when i felt so dejected when it seems like friends whom i know for years disappointed me. It wasn't exactly a big major disappointment that i received but just a little one; I was so jaded...hoping someone will come and ask why...but none came. Well, i believe it is a very common situation that many people will face, i would say it is the part and parcel of one's life. However, i was just asking why...why is this little disappointment causing a great impact on me? I began to pray...that God will help me recover and not be affected by it. Instead of having peace in my heart(which i usually feel after praying) i felt a nudge to talk to another person. God showed me the person and i went to talk to him. Now i understand why God wants me to experience such thing...well, it is to allow me to be in the shoes of my friend's problem, so that i may be able to comfort him...knowing what to say and do.Isn't it humourous? I was wondering why God can't allow me to remember disappointments in the past to help my friend instead. Haha...probably He wants the experience fresh!

Reflecting...year 2006 went rather fast...had too many programs and issues to handle that i hardly have time to sit down and pen down my thoughts after every "task". I started the year with 4 ministries! Student Venture(Campus Crusade) in my jc, youth ministry, hospitality ministry and the basketball ministry. Of all i guess the one that impacted me most was the student venture. I was made the in-charge and was required to conduct morning prayer meetings in school at 630am and to organise a little "cell group" at least once a week with the campus crusade staff. In the beginning, things were going well...attendance was close to 30 and everyone was excited to see great revival in mj! But things get a little tight when burdens get heavier a sit was my A level year. Besides, having to manage time for my 3 other ministries, i can say i'm overstretched. Slowly i couldn't help but became tired of setting up this student venture.(btw, its undeground!) And the bad thing is, my committee started getting tired and lazy to organise and even attend the morning prayer meeting. From a committee of about 9 became a committee of about 4. From a daily prayer meeting to having only twice a week. Attendance fell greatly too...and everyone just can't find the motivation and excitment to go for the meeting and pray, to start off the day by worshipping and praying instead of sleeping that half an hour more. Things went worst when the vice-principal actually found out our meeting and was playing "hide-and-seek" with me in school. All that i can say was...I'm overstretched. Results were lousy, level of commitment to each ministries went down down down...To save time...details were...blah blah blah and i got restored from God again!Well...i actually thank God for giving me this great experience...stretching me, granting me a greater capacity. How weird but effective it is to really prepare me for the year end exams. All i can say is i can better handle my things now and that I'm definitely equipped for worst challenges ahead of me! Another important thing was to fully understand the real meaning of the phrase "full commitment".

Many many other things happen too...lessons learnt, new commitments, new friends met... Just like what SP said, these shall be added on to my life in 2007 with goodness!

Inspiration...

Proverbs 3
Further Benefits of Wisdom
1 My son, do not forget my teaching,
but keep my commands in your heart, 2 for they will prolong your life many years
and bring you prosperity.3 Let love and faithfulness never leave you;
bind them around your neck,
write them on the tablet of your heart.4 Then you will win favor and a good name
in the sight of God and man.5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;6 in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.7 Do not be wise in your own eyes;
fear the LORD and shun evil.8 This will bring health to your body
and nourishment to your bones.9 Honor the LORD with your wealth,
with the firstfruits of all your crops;10 then your barns will be filled to overflowing,
and your vats will brim over with new wine.11 My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline
and do not resent his rebuke,12 because the LORD disciplines those he loves,
as a father the son he delights in.13 Blessed is the man who finds wisdom,
the man who gains understanding,14 for she is more profitable than silver
and yields better returns than gold.15 She is more precious than rubies;
nothing you desire can compare with her.16 Long life is in her right hand;
in her left hand are riches and honor.17 Her ways are pleasant ways,
and all her paths are peace.18 She is a tree of life to those who embrace her;
those who lay hold of her will be blessed.19 By wisdom the LORD laid the earth's foundations,
by understanding he set the heavens in place;20 by his knowledge the deeps were divided,
and the clouds let drop the dew.21 My son, preserve sound judgment and discernment,
do not let them out of your sight;22 they will be life for you,
an ornament to grace your neck.23 Then you will go on your way in safety,
and your foot will not stumble;24 when you lie down, you will not be afraid;
when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.25 Have no fear of sudden disaster
or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked,26 for the LORD will be your confidence
and will keep your foot from being snared.27 Do not withhold good from those who deserve it,
when it is in your power to act.28 Do not say to your neighbor,
"Come back later; I'll give it tomorrow"—
when you now have it with you.29 Do not plot harm against your neighbor,
who lives trustfully near you.30 Do not accuse a man for no reason—
when he has done you no harm.31 Do not envy a violent man
or choose any of his ways,32 for the LORD detests a perverse man
but takes the upright into his confidence.33 The LORD's curse is on the house of the wicked,
but he blesses the home of the righteous.34 He mocks proud mockers
but gives grace to the humble.35 The wise inherit honor,
but fools he holds up to shame.

As i was creating this blog, i felt i needed an anchor verse or passage. Just as i was seeking, this passage came to me. Each verse is so real and important! I feel as though this passage summarises the facts of life of a christian, children of God, of my life. This passage often reminds me of an image;Jesus(though i don't know how He looks like) sitting on a rock and children around him listening to His stories and lessons where we are the children...literally learning at His feet. And every night's quiet time i have with God is like hearing stories from the bible from God Himself! Ain't it cool if we really can do that with Him when we go Heaven?? :)

Newborn!

Finally! My new blog is up! I waited for almost half a year to get this up due to my busy schedule with my A's which is over OVer OVER!! :) It has always been my wish to be able to share my experiences, secrets and feelings to friends through the internet, hopefully they can know me better and can give me comments to which i can learn and know the views of an onlooker. Though i actually own another blog, it was for my private use...like my diary. But after much thought, i felt that isn't it better to have it up so that friends can read and get to know me better. Especially after a chat with a friend of mine whom i really love to talk to, i came to really agree that there shouldn't be secrets expecially among friends! So much so that God didn't keep everything to Himself but revealed all his sadness, jealousy, happiness and anger so that somehow we may learn something from there! Well, i hope all who visit my blog would enjoy it and get something out of the messages posted! And obviously, tags are welcomed!! :)